Things I'll Never Say
by NerdSavvy
Summary: He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to know why he felt like the worst was yet to come. He wanted her, most of all. RobRaeA.Lad
1. Two Stubborn Fools

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Would like to. Stop asking.

Title: And if it was?

Chapter: It Started With A Glance

o0o

The two birds stood on that bridge. Just watching the ripples form in the water, side-by-side. He wanted her to talk. He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to know why he felt like the worst was yet to come. He wanted her, most of all.

"Raven-"

"Robin," Raven turned to him, a look of restraint on her face, "I'm going with him..."

Robin, unable to hold it in any longer, erupted with anger, "Why? Why him after all of our history, you choose him? Raven-"

"He was there!" She was suddenly enraged too, a new spirit kindling in her heart, "There when you weren't! There when you couldn't accept it!" Raven could feel the tears forming, and she became even more frustrated with herself. She turned away. Turned away as he had so many times before that day. Turned away as she had never wanted to do to him.

"Don't you do that," He clutched her shoulders, and pulled her into him, "Don't make it seem like I haven't-"

She pulled away, shouting out her frustration and cries of sorrow. She spun on her heel, their faces only inches apart, "Don't dare say it! I waited for you! I waited for so many years, for you to tell me what you really wanted to tell me..." He reached for her shoulders as her head fell, but thought better of it, "He was braver than you. He knew what he wanted, and he did whatever he could to get me!" She was shouting again, but neither of them faltered as she shouted in his face.

The melancholy look in her eyes pained him more than anything... It pained him more than the thought that she didn't... The thought of him being the cause of her pain was worse than anything else, "Raven... Don't cry."

She paused, and the tears stilled in her amethyst eyes. Then her face contorted, and she wasn't able to hold it in anymore, "I hate you! Why do you always make it so damn hard?" She was pounding on his chest, like a defenseless, childish girl, "Why do you do this? I hate you! Why-"

"Because!" He stopped her hands, and he pulled her to him. Their lips pressed against each other roughly, but carefully. It felt like something long awaited, something they both longed for, but were too cowardly to do... They broke apart, "Rae... I love you."

She clenched her jaw, shaking her head as she backed away from him, "Always," She choked out, looking away, and then glancing at him again, "Always... But never," She said it with remorse and reverence and the event finally registering inside them made their entire bodies fill with emptiness. After a last long glance, Raven changed to her soul form, and left the man who was once her leader to let his mistakes eat away at him...

o0Beginning0o

The titans returned home, tattered and more irritated than ever before. The Tamarian had actually stormed off to her room with disgust. Beastboy solemnly headed to his room seconds after, and their cybernetic friend placed a comforting hand on their leaders shoulder, before stalking off to the hangar, playing with his tools always did soothe him.

And so the birds stood still. Two of a kind, silent as ever.

And she was first to speak, "We will get him."

"Tch," He clucked his tongue against his teeth, "Like hell."

Raven looked away from him and remembered where she had been for the past three months. It was hard to face the man who had instilled fear inside her heart. True fear at what he had done, and how he never cared. How he had roughly taken her into isolation and...

She pulled her arms tightly around herself. Her leotard was cut across the top, and she felt more exposed than she really was, "Robin..."

He looked at her in a way one would view a prized possession in bad condition. Her collarbone and shoulders exposed, as the teared collar lay limply like a tube top against her upper chest. She looked a mess. Her fear matched his anger, and his evaded.

"Come on," He placed a hand on her spine and for some reason she jumped. And now his concern grew, "Raven."

He propped himself onto the counter after setting the teapot onto the stove, "What?" She asked nonchalantly as she leaned against the opposite counter, wrapping the blanket he had retrieved tighter around herself.

"What did he do to you?"

"Ah." She said it like a small gasp. As if she had tried to dodge something, but missed.

His hands tightened around the edge of the counter, and he swears, it would have cracked under his grip, "He kept you... For three months. What happened?"

She looked away, "Nothing," she bit it out coldly. A crisp effort to end the conversation. But he was stubborn.

Too stubborn

o0Authors Note0o

Okay, that's it for now. I'm going to think it all over. I love romance and all, but drama annoys me a little. And this is a very intense story. I'm talking Degrassi intense. So Later Days


	2. Without Permission

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Would like to. Stop asking.

Title: And if it was?

Chapter: 2: Without Permission

o0o

So the birds stayed on the kitchen counter until the hints of dawn licked at their cheeks, neither one would let down. One was too concerned and the other too uncomfortable with grasping what had happened at all.

"Raven," Robin rubbed his temples, a sour expression held sternly on his face, "Why is it so important that I don't know anything?"

Raven bit her lower lip, keeping it steady. Her emotions were loose now, and her once firm grip on hiding said emotions was faltering, "Because I'm… I don't have to. Nothing happened."

"If I didn't know any better," Robin took a step closer, giving that scrutinizing stare an older brother would give his 'developing' sister, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're hiding something."

Raven roughly blew a couple stray strands from her face, signifying a 'duh' if he ever saw one.

"Alright. Well, what I'm thinking is that you're on his side, then," Robin held onto the counter's edge again. It was the only way to keep from shouting. He grew ever more frustrated as he searched through their bond, growing fainter by every passing minute. Whatever Slade did, It was something big. It's scaring her, he can tell that much. She should tell him.

"Then it's a good thing you know better," Raven responded quietly, averting her eyes to a small crack on the counter's edge.

He couldn't tell what angered him more. The fact that Raven didn't trust him, or the thought of Slade hurting her, "Slade," It seethed through his teeth and into her like slow molasses. It stung at her heart and she cringed almost noticeably, which was already too much for Robin to bear, "Raven," He said it softly, lovingly, "I'm not trying to be stubborn. I don't want to bother you, or have you dwell on it," he paused, scanning her body. Now that the blanket he had given her was put to the side, he could see everything acceptable. She was bruised and burned, and some other marks he did not think he could find on her thigh and stomach, so dismissed it as something other than what it was, "Just please tell me… I'm worried."

She didn't want to worry him.

After taking a deep breath, she wrapped the blanket around her once more and spoke, "He just wanted information on the Titans, and I wouldn't tell him anything so he… Just roughed me up a little. Nothing unusual for a villain."

Robin nodded, and she slightly inclined her head in response, and they parted for bed.

Raven went to her room and went to bed, or would have, if not for the sound of shuffling somewhere to the right of her. As an instinct, she readied her battle stance, but her powers wouldn't cooperate, and so she instead balled her fists, "Show yourself!"

A dark, lean silhouette sprang from the floor in a startled manner, "Raven? Is it really you?" It was a kind, calm voice. The kind of voice created by the hush of the sea. Of course, it was none other than the Atlantian from Titan's East; Aqualad.

Raven dropped her arms to her sides slowly, "Yes… What are you doing in my room?" She took a step closer. Being in the dark all her life, she needn't worry about seeing in the dark.

"Well… It's got the best view, haven't you noticed?" He joked, waving an arm at the imaginary window, which would have probably been somewhere

Raven laughed halfheartedly, forcibly. The man before her noticed, and furrowed his brows in a familiar fashion, "So," He sat on the edge of her bed, patting a place next to him, "You want to talk about what happened?"

She blinked just as Aqualad pushed his way through her mind. He gasped at the image. Raven was on the floor, her clothes torn from her, a pained expression spread on her face, as her violet orbs grew wide and absorbed all sorrow. A man was lying on top of her, clad in only an orange and black mask, his body covering her from her mid drift below as his hand groped at her chest. She screamed, he gasped. And then darkness.

o0Author's Note0o

Tell me if it's too much. Really intense here. I don't know if I like it. I know this one was short, but I just want to know if this is going well… Is this M now? Hope not…

Thanks for the review,

SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin: Only one review, maybe I'll make this shorter?


	3. What Did He Do?

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Would like to. Stop asking.

A/N: Just like to point out, the title here says, And if it Was. I don't know why, But on the list, it's called, Things I'll Never Say. Sorry if it confuses you. But I like both titles, and didn't realize I did that until it was too late. nervous laughter

Title: And if it was?

Chapter: 3: What did He Do?

o0o

Aqualad had fallen back, as the emotion attached to her memory collided with his mental readings. He felt his heart break in two as trauma caused him to tremble.

Raven, after realizing what had happened, mentally slapped herself, and went to aid her fellow telepath. She bent over him as he enveloped himself on the floor, "Aqualad. A-Are you alright?" Raven tried to look him in the eyes. They were fogged, and he was looking at her with a terrified gleam of the eyes.

"Ra-Raven," He clutched her forearm in a way that sent her levies back, as the flow of tears erupted. She let out what seemed like a cry and a choke in response, "What did he do to you?"

He asked as though he didn't already know. It pained her as the image flashed through her mind again, and she collapsed.

o0Robin0o

I was a fool. Instead of comforting her, and tending to her injuries, I interrogate her. I always act like such a moron, but it wasn't like I ever thought straight when it came to Raven anyway.

When we rescued her from Slade's lair, she was so vulnerable, it scared me. So I wanted to know everything he did. I felt protective over her, and I don't know what got into me. The logical thing would have been to make sure she wasn't fatally injured…

I won't make that mistake again. I swear. I'd die for her. But now I'm concentrating on taking her safely to the med. lab. I lay her down on the table, and I put a blanket underneath her. I'd expect her to start to hover gracefully over it, to tell us she was healing the way her powers allowed her to, but she just lay there…

I ask everyone to leave, and they do. Aqualad takes one last glance at her, and my jaw clenches. I don't know why, but I don't like the way he looks at her. But then he's gone, and my attention is turned back fully on the one I care for most.

"Raven," I call to her softly, taking her hand in mine as I sit on the armchair beside her. But she doesn't stir, I look at her chest and it's hardly moving. I look at her status, and it says her heart rate is normal, but she looks almost dead as I watch the glow leave her cheeks, and the hollows are visible over the hours, "Raven," I repeat her name hoarsely, "Please. Please, be alright."

o0o

Dawn approaches, and Robin finally exits the room. He promises her that he would be absent for only a moment, just to get his morning coffee so he wouldn't fall asleep on her.

Surprisingly, as Robin had left, someone had come in his place. Mysteriously arriving just as the Boy Wonder left his view.

Aqualad quietly shut the door behind him as he crept beside her, "Raven," He spoke clearly and worriedly, "I know you can hear me. If I have to, I'll read your thoughts again."

Her mind told him, _and would you start to cry again?_

The handsome Atlantian snorted shortly, "I'll take the risk," He spoke aloud, as if trying to keep her connected to this panel of her being. He knew if he didn't keep her here, by letting her hear his voice, she would probably detach herself from them entirely. He knew he and a certain other wouldn't be able to handle that. So he kept talking, even if it was about something intense, or something completely random, he didn't want her to sway, "How long was Robin in here anyway?"

I don't know. He should sleep… Tell him it isn't healthy… And… It's… A waste of energy, watching me… Like… This…

She paused a lot. He knew she was probably still asleep, still on that plane, and he was only able to contact her through telepathy, "I'm sure he doesn't think his time is being wasted," He chuckled inwardly, as her brows furrowed, "Erm. Never mind…"

He stopped laughing, and the silence between them grew awkward, "Raven… Tell me what he did to you."

You saw it… Please. Don't…

He saw a tear creep from the side of her shut eyes, and he felt guilty, "I'm sorry… But," He paused, racking his brain for the right thing to say, "I hate him for it, you know… But the fact that he could- That he could do that… Raven," He said her name as if it comforted him, as if he thought clearer with the thought of her, "I'm sorry… Forget it."

They were quiet again, and then he heard her again, _I was powerless… But… Just forget it, you're right…_

Aqualad nodded, and stood to leave before he was caught.

_Aqualad. Wait. _He turned around, restraining the urge to touch her, to comfort her, _Please. Don't tell Robin. He'll hate me… If he knew… He… I…_ Aqualad thought for a moment, and nodded obediently, and somehow, she knew he would keep his word, even if he said nothing more as he left. He knew what she meant. He wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault. He wanted to say no one could ever hate her, obviously, not even a villain. But he didn't. And he could smack himself later.

o0o

Robin came back only seconds after Aqualad had left, he had her herbal tea in hand, even though she wasn't awake, he found it comforting to at least smell the same things he loved to smell in the quieter times he shared with the empath.

"Raven. I brought your tea… It's chamomile," Robin smirked half-heartedly and slumped deep into the chair beside her resting body, "Raven," He touched her hand, and she felt warmer. It's strange how an innocent gesture can feel so wrong and yet so comforting. She smiled slightly and quickly, and he knew he had her back, "Here," He waved the mug over her nose, letting the aroma float around until she spoke.

"Help prop me up, I don't think it's too much of a good idea for me to pull anything," Raven slightly demanded, but in a polite and questioning way. Her voice was coarse even if she had spoken just twelve hours ago. With her question, he heard her ask if he approved her moving at all. She got her answer as he slipped his hand under her neck, and the other was circled over her side to push against the bed, then he repositioned her pillow as she tried to pry herself up by the elbows with an exasperated sigh.

"Don't push yourself," He said it sternly, his brows furrowed but she simply scoffed.

"I'm fine, _mother_. I just hate feeling so useless," She tried gripping the handle of her mug, only to have it pulled away by the worrywart she had watching over her all the time.

"Let me," She would never, never under any other circumstance have let anyone else feed her, but she didn't really have a choice. She somewhat believed that her tea helped her heal, a bit stupid for someone who could heal herself at will. Well, except for right now. He raised the cup to her lips, but did it extremely slowly, "You don't need to tease an ill person," she quipped, yet he was still cautious.

"It might burn your lips," Robin looked at the steam scrutinizingly as it rose from the calm brown liquid.

"It's fine. Can I please have my tea now?" She laughed at his nurturing ways as the hours passed still. He was over thinking everything he might allow her to do.

o0Author's Note0o

Yeah… Not much going on here. Just like to apologize for that, it will probably progress slowly. Like to add I'll probably update every Monday, the only day I don't have after school stuff tear. This would be better if I did have such a bad Goddamn cold! But I was happy with it, Just listened to Buried Myself Alive over and over again. I know, I know, rock music and a headache, _smart._

Appreciation:

SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin: From now on, can I thank you by writing Bria? Heh, not that your s/n isn't awesome, but it's very long (;) And thank you so much for the review, and for spreading the word. You rock.

Birdsonthebrain: First off, I love your name. Birds… Raven and Robin! And thank you, I don't feel worth all these kind reviews! Few are plenty.

Terra Rock: Uhm… Thanks for your comments… I don't understand the adding/removing from your favorites thing, though. I mean, I understand what you're saying, but what's the reason. Not that it concerns me, but I don't need to know whether or not I am good enough to stay on your favorites list. (Sorry if I mistook what you meant)

Violetx3: Thank you. Okay, this response may possibly be as long as your review! cracks knuckles You are right, he won't be finding out anytime soon, at least that's what I'm planning for, but my stories never really listen to me much. What happened is really traumatic, especially when it's from an enemy, she fears he would hate her if he found out, more than she fears what happened. Her emotions, as said in the first chapter, aren't as under control as they would usually be, thus the tears are becoming more familiar to her. Thank you for the review! I love long ones, it shows you took the time to analyze it all.

Ravenrouge19: Thank you, thank you. That's great that someone will review when they read something, it puts confidence into their writing. Me? I'll definitely review the ones I like… I don't know, sometimes if I don't like the story, I don't review because I don't want to be cruel… Is that wrong?

Kisha: Heh, I understand completely about that Raven thing, it's like she isn't the tower of strength she always seems to be, it let's you see her for real. And about the chocolate, I'm the same way. Mostly because Sunako loves chocolate, but that's a different story Will update sooner with chocolate!


	4. Always

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Would like to. Stop asking.

Title: And if it was?

Chapter: 4: Always

o0o

As days passed, Raven's condition got better slowly. Very slowly, as the bed-ridden girl became more and more agitated by each passing day.

It was nice to see how much her friends cared about her, to see Cyborg and Beast Boy give up on an hour of video games to check on her and make her smile. She loved them so much, and she thanked them for not fighting about dinner in front of her. Starfire came in with Bumble Bee and they sat on both sides, Bumble Bee reading some of Raven's more preferred literature pieces, and Starfire softly combing through raven's hair as a concerned mother would, "Thank you, thank you…" She'd tell them every day with a smile. Speedy would come in with Mas and Menos to make sure they didn't overexert her with their rapid speech. The brothers would ramble, and Raven would just give Speedy that sarcastic wiggle of an eyebrow that set them chuckling softly.

Yes, she loved them all so much, but at the same time, she worried all too much. About a month had passed, and no sign of Slade. She winced and had to look away every time Aqualad looked her in the eyes. But she just told herself she would soon forget. It would be something she would lock away in the back of her mind, in a basement of secrets she had kept all her life, and it would sit right next to her deepest and darkest of secrets, Her fear of falling in love… Even if she already was.

o0o

"Listen, you just watched over her ten minutes ago! Let her breath," Robin seethed through his teeth, as the rivalry between the normally calm and collected figures overwhelmed their barriers.

"Look, all I'm trying to do is make sure she is taken care of-"

"If anyone is going to take care of her, its me," Robin growled, glancing in both directions of the deserted floor.

"If you care for her so much, she would know it by now, wouldn't she?" It made the vigilante's anger fester from the pit of his stomach at the fact that the Atlantian could stay so calm.

"What? I- I don't-- What would you know anyway? Some hot-shit who comes and thinks he can take away something I've worked…" The flushed teen sighed and ran his slender fingers through his gelled ebony locks, "Just… Fine, forget it. I don't feel anything for Raven… It's a misunderstanding."

The jealous Atlantian watched the heated youth leave, and then hung his head with a sigh, "You don't deserve her..."

o0o

Robin slammed the door behind him as he sat with a heave next to Raven, "Woah, calm down Boy Wonder," She chuckled femininely and put a light hand on his shoulder, "What happened?"

He was breathing fire through his nose, and gave her that piercing gaze she took to heart every so often, "Nothing. I just… Beast Boy made a mess in the kitchen?"

Raven laughed lightly, "Are you asking me?"

"No," Robin was none too good at lying, especially to a Raven, "He broke the blender, trying to make a smoothie with blocks of chocolate and whole oranges…"

"Leave it to Beast Boy," She sighed tiredly, and gave another dry laugh, "I wonder what goes through his mind when he acts."

Robin snorted amusedly, lying next to her on propped pillows, "Something along the lines of 'how can I annoy the hell out of everyone around me today?'"

They laughed, and she responded, "Something like that, I suppose."

She knew he was lying. It was a fine lie, but he was Robin and she was Raven. They were above secrecy within their bond.

What was worse was that he knew she knew he was lying. Yet they played along.

o0o

Aqualad had nothing better to do, than talk with the one person he saw as his brother, "Hey, Speedy?"

Speedy was on the roof of the tower, shooting training arrows at booeys floating in the open sea. Aqualad leaned on the edge, letting the onshore breeze gust over his angelic features. He could taste the familiar taste of ocean, and longed to see his home, but he also longed to see another.

"What?" Speedy finally asked unconcernedly while grabbing another arrow from behind.

"Uh, well… You're good with women, right?" He didn't really know how to ask, so why not be direct?

"Oh, you could say that," He chuckled, and his next arrow swerved to the right, missing the booey completely, "Shit."

"Well, what do you do if you like a girl, a lot… And you think you have a chance, but there's another man who likes her, and she knows him better, and she trusts both of us, but he is the one who always gets to be alone with her and talk to her the most? He gets authority to do whatever he likes, and he knows how I feel…" He was rambling, he knew. But it had been years since he had realized how he felt, how she felt, what this meant. Maybe Speedy wouldn't know just exactly whom he was talking about. Maybe it was no real concern of his, but…

"Feelings arising for our resident dark girl, then?"

… This _was_ Speedy, we were talking about here.

"Well," The normally casual youth choked up, his cheeks flushed, and he relied on the lull of the ocean to calm himself, "This never happened. Agreed?"

The redhead chuckled, "Everything is always so official with you hero people."

"Agreed?" There was still a tinge of red left at the tips of the Atlantian's ears that showed his frustration and embarrassment.

Speedy laughed once more, drew another arrow, launched it, and, "Bingo."

o0o

Starfire and Bumble Bee were practicing in the main training room, "Bumble Bee?"

"Yeah Star?" The beautiful teen aimed a few more lasers at a target Cyborg had set up. Wiping her forehead on her arm, she continued with their training by landing combos on the punching bag, her buns bobbing lightly up and down as she trotted to keep up with Starfire on the other side, "Another problem with a certain Leader?" The Tamaranian's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she lost her footing, and plopped to the floor. After being help up by a hand they just sat on some of the benches that held the weights, "Hey, it's alright. You can tell me about it this time. I know you respect him, and I know you like him."

The foreign alien's features fell as she lowered her head and slumped her shoulders, "But I know he does not feel the same." It was an awkward situation to be in, they all knew she was right. Over the months when Raven had been abducted by their big enemy, Robin couldn't sleep, he didn't do anything except search for Raven. He would do the same for any one on his team, they knew. But there were differences, "He cried after the first month, and he wouldn't eat for another… We thought he killed her at first…"

"Star…"

What else could she say? The girl was obviously heart-broken, who wouldn't be?

"It is alright. I am eighteen earth years now, I know not to be childish and selfish," The woman stood, with her model-like posture, she glided back over to the target area, "If I love him, set him free, right?"

Bumble Bee smiled, and picked up her right arm, aiming.

"Bingo."

They knew the Tamaranian would never get over him fully, because this was her first love, but she would find some one else who would love her as much as she deserved it. She was kind, and loving. She was tall and gorgeous. She was any man's dream girl, any man except the man she wanted…

"Bingo."

o0o

"Robin?" A knock and a voice could be heard on the other side of the door, "It's been about eight hours…"

Robin stirred, but dared not move, as Raven had fallen asleep, and unconsciously draped her arm over his chest, and her head fit so well in his shoulder, "Uh… One minute…"

He looked at her serene expression. He loved the way her body fit with his, but he could never admit that. She had been through enough. Aqualad already suspected his immense feelings for her, and he wasn't even close to the truth of it, "ugh," He let out a small groan as he pulled his arm from under her frail neck, frowning, he stood from the bed, and walked to the door, "How's she doing?"

The Atlantian didn't even greet a 'good morning' to the ebony haired youth, he didn't even wait for an answer. He simply walked past in quick strides and gently shut the door behind him.

Robin leaned his forehead against the closed door, and heard the other man whisper to her, in a loving way… The way Robin wished he could, "You look beautiful when you aren't so worried…" Robin walked away, he couldn't take the fact that the calm figure now co-occupying the medical lab could make such obvious advances on her… The fact that they were alone in a room unnerved him somehow. He wanted to trust her, he did… But how could he be willing to give up his heart so easily if she might in fact, take it, and crush it all the same?

o0Author's Note0o

Yay! Updates. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
